The home, a place of tranquillity: the advice of Shaykh Raslān
Shaykh Raslān (may Allah preserve him) said:
The house: a refuge willed by Allah
Allah, Lord of the worlds, made the house a place of tranquillity. The violent storms, the crushing trials that a man encounters in life, the conflicts, the ingratitude, the stubbornness and the other hardships he faces in the course of his existence — he lays all of that down at the doorstep of his house; then he enters his home and finds there tranquillity after turmoil, and calm after the worry and the inevitable troubles of this life.
Fearing Allah in the marital bond
It is therefore incumbent upon us to fear Allah, Lord of the worlds: to fear Him within ourselves, and that a man fear Allah ﷻ with regard to his wife. For it is Allah who made her lawful for him, and it is He who permitted him things that neither her father nor her brother may see. Allah has thus established an immense sanctity concerning the relationship between the spouses.
The Prophet ﷺ explained that among the people of the gravest sin is the man who is intimate with his wife (and the woman with her husband) and then each of them divulges the secrets of the other. These are hidden, buried matters about which there must be no talk whatsoever, however great the insistence. So let a man fear Allah ﷻ in this regard.
Lawful sustenance: a duty towards one's family
Let him fear Allah, Lord of the worlds, in his food, his drink, his clothing and in whatever adornment of this worldly life he brings for himself or for his wife, and let all of it come from a lawful and pure earning.
It is reported that one of the wives of the pious predecessors, when her husband went out to seek his sustenance, would cling to his garments and say to him:
"Fear Allah concerning us and feed us only with what is lawful and pure. We can endure hunger and dust, but we will not eat what is doubtful, let alone what is unlawful."
The impact of unlawful food on one's offspring
It is well known that when a man brings home what is unlawful and his wife eats from it, and then a child is formed in her womb, that foetus is nourished by the food she consumed. If that food is unlawful, then the child was formed from the unlawful and grew in a womb nourished by the unlawful. How could such a child be virtuous?
The supplication at the time of intimacy
It is also incumbent upon the man, when he is intimate with his wife, to say what the Prophet ﷺ commanded to say:
"Bismillah. O Allah, keep Satan away from us and keep Satan away from what You grant us."
For if it is decreed that a child be born from that union that night, Satan will not harm him, as the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said.
The rights of the child begin before his birth
So let a man not wrong himself through a bad choice of wife, let him not wrong himself by feeding his family with the unlawful, and let him not wrong himself and his child by giving him an inappropriate name, a source of mockery among people.
A man must know that, just as it is obligatory for the child to be dutiful towards his parents, it is likewise obligatory for the father to be dutiful towards his child.
The account of 'Umar and the ungrateful son
A man once complained to 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) about the ingratitude of his son. 'Umar summoned the son and asked him: "Why are you ungrateful towards your father?"
He replied: "It is he who was ungrateful towards me before I was ungrateful towards him."
'Umar said: "How so?"
He replied: "He did not choose my mother well. He married a Jewish woman or a Magian woman who worked as a dancer or something similar in the house of a Magian. So he did not choose my mother well."
And this is part of the rights of the child.
The good choice is not limited to appearance
This matter is not limited to a mere glance — to a man looking at a woman, being pleased by her, becoming attached to her and marrying her. Such a woman would not be virtuous; and with time there will appear what she has carried within her from her origin, what remains buried in her heart, and it will show itself in her words, her language, her gestures and her behaviour.
The example of Imam Ahmad
That is why Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him) chose a modest woman. He had sent a matchmaker to ask for the hand of her sister, but this woman overheard the conversation as she stood there. He then said: "Go and ask for this one's hand for me." He married her, and Allah granted him through her imams, may Allah have mercy on them.
After seven years of marriage, his wife said to him: "O son of my uncle, have you ever found in me anything that displeased you? Have you felt the slightest grievance against me for any behaviour?"
After seven years, the imam (may Allah have mercy on him) replied:
"No, I have found nothing in you, except that your sandal makes a slight noise."
That was all he had to reproach her with after seven years. May Allah have mercy on him, and on her.
Marriage according to the Book and the Sunnah
We must therefore reflect on these meanings and know that marriage among the people of the Sunnah is a pride and an honour. The Muslim must hold fast to it, for it makes matters easier in their understanding, their fulfilment, their consequences and the resolution of problems, when all affairs are settled by the Book and the Sunnah according to the understanding of the Companions and those who followed them in goodness.
Thus, when a person finds a reference to return to in case of divergence and conflict, it is an immense grace. We ask Allah that all of this be realised in our situation.
And may Allah send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family and all his Companions.